A Life Lived Well: Helping Kids Value More Than Their Achievements
Whether it’s in the classroom, on the ballfield, or on social media, kids chase achievements. As we’ve written about (see here and here), the pressure to stand out, to excel, and to prove their worth by achieving at a high level can be overwhelming—even debilitating—for some teens and young adults. And while it’s important to celebrate your child’s successes, it’s critical not to let these accolades become young people’s measure of a life well lived.
One way to do this is to support teens and young adults in developing a deeper and more complex view of life and its meaning—one where achievements have their place, but don't overshadow the value of connection, purpose, and belonging. For centuries, religious communities have offered this sense of transcendence. Through ritual and practice, religion has offered a sense of connection to something larger than oneself and has provided a space where individual successes and failures fade in comparison to a shared story of life’s meaning.
“Let’s help [our kids] see that a life lived well is a grand adventure—not a relentless competition—and equip them with the tools to navigate it with resilience, purpose, and joy.”
But religion is not for everyone—and that’s perfectly okay. As parents, educators, and mentors, we can support children in infusing these essential elements into their lives. Here's how:
Redefine what’s meaningful: Initiate conversations with young people about what truly matters beyond grades and trophies. Explore concepts like compassion, community, and creative expression. Highlight when your child is kind, ask how they are as a friend, and talk to them about the times you’re helping friends or family. Encourage teens and young adults to find passion in pursuits that fill their hearts—not just their resumes.
Build belonging: Nurture a sense of connection within families and communities. This looks like being intentional about protecting family time and getting together with classmates or neighbors. Celebrate collective efforts, such as planting spring flowers on your block, and be intentional about offering support to others in your community, such as writing a note for a neighbor or bringing them a meal going through a hard time. Encourage acts of kindness that ripple outwards. Foster gratitude practices, like family dinners where each person shares something they're thankful for.
Take refuge in nature: Time in nature offers a powerful dose of awe and perspective. Put down your phones and hike through a forest, gaze at a starry sky, or spend time beside a quiet stream. These moments can help young people appreciate the beauty in nature, develop healthy habits that get them outdoors, and understand that they are part of something much bigger than themselves.
Create rituals of meaning: Engage young people in long-term projects that ask them to consider their place in the world, their future contributions, and their responsibility to future generations. Regular volunteer work, mentorships, or artistic collaborations can serve as powerful and meaningful connections with their communities.
Inspire wonder: Ignite curiosity in all aspects of life. Point out the way the light comes in your window, or how the inside of your grandfather’s pocket watch looks. Everyday experiences can give us the opportunity for wonder, if we just take the time to look. Expand from there by exploring diverse perspectives with young people, asking questions, and challenging ideas. This can help them see the beauty and complexity of the world, fostering a sense of wonder that transcends their day-to-day achievements.
This is not to say that young people shouldn’t strive for excellence in pursuit of their passions. But it’s critical that they develop a deeper understanding that their worth lies not just in what they achieve, but in their experiences, their relationships, and their contributions to the world around them. Let's help them see that a life lived well is a grand adventure—not a relentless competition—and equip them with the tools to navigate it with resilience, purpose, and joy.
Posted by Alison Cashin, Director of Communications and Jamie Finn, Digital Communications Strategist
