Santa doesn’t give my kids expensive gifts. Here’s why.
The holiday season is a time of joy, celebration—and presents. For many kids, the arrival of Santa Claus brings excitement, wonder, and expectation. But gifts from Santa—especially big-ticket items that few families can afford—can also have unintended consequences.
Families who celebrate Christmas do so in many different ways, but Santa’s rules are fixed: he rewards “good” kids and withholds gifts from those who have been “bad.” American kids learn this from a young age, and it’s a lesson that’s reinforced each year through stories and songs, and often by parents themselves. And although Santa lore is well-intentioned, it’s easy to see how kids who receive expensive Santa gifts might think they’re being rewarded while those who receive lower-value gifts—or no gifts at all—might feel that they’re being punished.
The reality, of course, is that Santa gifts have nothing to do with a child’s character or inherent value—most often, these gifts reflect a family’s socioeconomic circumstances. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with giving a child a high-value gift. But it’s critical for parents and other gift-givers to be thoughtful and intentional when it comes to gifts from Santa. These gifts have meaning, not just for the child receiving them, but also for that child’s peers. What’s the first thing that kids do when they return to school after winter break? They compare notes about the gifts they received.
“...although Santa lore is well-intentioned, it’s easy to see how kids who receive expensive Santa gifts might think they’re being rewarded while those who receive lower-value gifts—or no gifts at all—might feel that they’re being punished.”
It’s not hard to see how kids in socioeconomically mixed communities who receive lower-value gifts from Santa might feel like they’ve done something wrong—or worse, that they’re a “bad” kid—when Santa has given classmates something expensive. Disparities in gift-giving can cause children to question their own worth and value, and they may internalize the belief that they are somehow undeserving of Santa's generosity.
So what should gift-givers do?
In an ideal world, the holiday season would focus less on presents and more on gratitude, spending time with loved ones, and cultivating a sense of community, joy, and wonder. But our world is quite far from this ideal. And while there’s much that families can do to cultivate these non-material values during the holiday season, it’s also understandable that families cherish their gift-giving traditions.
Happily, there’s an alternative approach: families can make more expensive items non-Santa gifts. In our family, for example, Santa fills stockings with lower-priced items and gives one moderately-priced gift to each kid (think marble runs and art supplies, not Nintendo Switches). Santa is still part of our holiday—he still comes in through the chimney, eats our cookies, and drinks our milk—but he is not the main gift-giver.
“Santa is still part of our holiday—he still comes in through the chimney, eats our cookies, and drinks our milk—but he is not the main gift-giver. ”
This approach benefits my kids in a couple of ways. First, it helps set their expectations about what they receive. When my 5-year-old wanted to put a $400 life-sized Mario Kart on his Christmas list because his friend has one, I explained that at our house Santa fills stockings and gives a smaller gift. When he inevitably asked if I could buy the toy for him, we talked about how different families buy different types of gifts and had a brief, straightforward discussion about socioeconomic differences among families in our community (here are some useful tips for these types of conversations).
The real gift? These talks are also setting the stage for future conversations about inequality, which will become even more critical as my kids get older.
Posted by Alison Cashin, Director of Communications
