Creating Anchors for Your Teen’s Mental Health
by Kiran Bhai
Schools & Parenting Programs Director, Making Caring Common
Because of my background as a school counselor and my current role at Making Caring Common, I often find myself in conversations about teen mental health. Sometimes it's unpacking the latest headlines on youth well-being; other times, it’s helping a friend brainstorm ways to coax their cave-dwelling teen out for a rare family moment. No matter the context, these conversations tend to echo the realities we see in our research:
The number of teens struggling with their mental health continues to rise.
Parents are experiencing mental health challenges at about the same rates as teens.
On top of that, many adults—parents, caregivers, and teachers alike—are overwhelmed with information. Between expert advice, social media tips, and well-meaning input from friends and family, it can feel like supporting a teen’s mental health is a confusing and endless to-do list. One more tab open at 10 PM on your browser, and in your brain, when all you really want is to enjoy a good show, read a book, or sleep!
So here’s the first encouragement I offer to others, and often remind myself of, too: pause.
Take a moment to acknowledge how much you're already doing. Simply being aware of the challenges you’re dealing with is meaningful. Sometimes, the most powerful step we can take is to slow down and recognize that adding more tasks may only deepen the stress.
Instead, ask yourself: What are a few steady, grounding anchors I can offer to my teen, my students, and myself?
Here are three strategies that I’ve found especially impactful in my work with families and schools.
Presence
When I first started working with teens, I called my favorite parenting expert, a dad of two wonderful teenage daughters, to borrow some wisdom. He told me his trusted method for getting a conversation going whenever his older daughter seemed stressed or started retreating behind her bedroom door:
“I clear the calendar and let her run the show. Mall? Sure. Bubble-tea detour? Absolutely. I ask zero questions, and I don’t sneak-interview her over fries. By hour two or three of just hanging out, she starts talking—sometimes about more than I bargained for!”
That simple formula has outshone every parenting article, post, and reel I’ve scrolled through since: no interrogation, no agenda—just good, quality time and undivided attention.
I believe that one of the strongest anchors in a teen’s mental health is meaningful connections with adults. Being physically and emotionally available to the teens in your life, without pressing our agenda (as with the example of my friend), helps them feel seen and known, and creates opportunities for them to share their struggles with you. When we show teens with our time and focus that we truly care, we create a natural foundation, and a protective measure, for our teens’ mental health.
Purpose & Meaning
Beyond connection, another powerful anchor for teen well-being is a sense of meaning—feeling like their life matters and they are part of something bigger than themselves.
Anchors look different for every young person. It might be:
A sports team, theater group, or robotics club.
A trusted friend or mentor.
Faith or deep service to others.
A personal goal or creative passion.
In addition, when teens are grounded in multiple communities or interests, they’re better equipped to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs. A personal conflict, friendship fallout, or tough grade doesn’t feel quite so defining when there are other sources of belonging and confidence.
As parents and caregivers, we don’t have to push teens into finding meaning. Instead, as we truly listen to and see them, we can also gently guide them toward environments where their interests, values, and potential can take root and thrive.
Sometimes, being a teenager is like swimming in the ocean. Rather than rescuing them from every wave, we can help them build strong anchors and remind them we’re always nearby, steady, and ready to support.
Personal Health
Now, a moment for the ones holding it all together.
Parenting, caregiving, and teaching can be deeply rewarding and completely exhausting. You're constantly pouring into others, often with little time or energy left for yourself. And in our culture, exhaustion is sometimes worn as a badge of honor, especially in parenting circles. The idea that more sacrifice equals better caregiving is deeply ingrained (cue the guilt).
But just like our teens need anchors, we do too.
That doesn’t mean overhauling your life or adding another routine to your calendar. Some weeks, like the one I just had with a sick infant, your best may simply be collapsing on the couch after bedtime with a show and your phone. That’s okay.
But when you have even a sliver of energy, consider small steps that support your own connection and care:
If you have five minutes, could you call or text someone who gets you?
If a meeting gets canceled, could you take a short walk instead of filling the time?
If you notice another parent or educator who seems isolated, could you extend a small invitation or word of encouragement?
Could you set aside just one hour this week for something that’s just for you—reading, moving your body, creating, volunteering, praying, resting?
Investing in your own anchors doesn’t just help you feel more grounded, it quietly teaches your teen how to build a meaningful, balanced life. When they see you leaning on what keeps you steady, they’re more likely to discover, and trust, their own anchors.
